Tuesday, September 8, 2009
♥ Jacob and Andrew
Andrew had been waiting for Labor Day weekend to come because he knew he was going to spend it with Jake. After the texts saying he was not bringing the kids back when Judy did, I decided I needed him to email me with specific times he would be picking up and dropping off Andrew and Victoria.
Jacob emailed me to let me know pickup would be around 6pm Friday evening. But Friday afternoon, I got a text saying he was not going to make it that night but would be there in the morning just after breakfast.
Andrew was upset about it, but handled it well. Victoria was upset because she wanted to see Lincoln that night, but was also upset at the same time because she was not ready to leave me. I tried to explain to her that now she would only not see me one day (Sunday). She eventually calmed down, and fell asleep cuddling.
Sunday morning Andrew asked where Jacob was around 9am. I said I did not know but would text him to find out. Jacob said they would not be there until sometime after 12 (ended up being around 1pm instead). I told him I had plans that afternoon so he would have to meet us there, since the kids would have to come with me. They also called after I had already left the house, asking me to feed them lunch so they could just go. I told them I would order them something since we were not at home.
The kids came back on Monday around 11am, and had a good time camping. I had left them with a package of all natural marshmallows so they could roast some. Victoria was asleep when they got home, but woke up and was glad to be home (although she missed Lincoln, of course).
Tonight Andrew and I had a talk. I told him I was worried about him, because I can feel it when he is sad and wish he would tell me so he could let it out. He asked why I thought that. I told him that when he told me about how his Dad was too busy to spend time with him when he visited, but that he still wanted to live with him I thought about why that would be.
I asked him if the reason he wanted to live with Jake was because he thought that eventually he would have to make the time for him, because he didn't do it when he visits. Andrew's eyes welled up with tears, he wrapped his arms around me, and cried that it was true. He cried for almost 10 minutes! I asked him if he had been feeling this way for a long time, and he said he was.
Even though Andrew goes to Jake's and has a good time playing with his sister and Vicky (he doesn't really play with Lincoln unless they encourage it), what he really wants is for Jake to pay some good attention to him and do things with him.
I have been trying my best to make sure Andrew grows up knowing how amazing, smart, loving, handsome, special, and loved he is. But it hurts to know he is so desperate to get it from his father. What outright angers me is that Jake and Vicky push to get the kids for what, two weeks or more during the summer, and Andrew comes back still not having gotten to spend time with his father... which is all he really wants.
It keeps getting harder and harder to forgive Jake when he keeps hurting the kids by not showing up when he says he will, and not spending quality time with Andrew when he is there. Victoria really doesn't care much either way, she loves her baby brother. When she talks about missing them, it is either about "Vicky's house" or about Lincoln. For Andrew, it is all about Jake.
I wish there was something I could do to make him realize there isn't anything he can to do make Jacob spend time with him. And I really wish there was something I could to do mend his precious heart.
On a positive note, Andrew is a BEAUTIFUL swimmer. The kids started level 3 swimming lessons, which focuses on diving and improving swimming techniques. They work for two hours a week in the deep end of the pool, and have a great time doing it. Thursday they are going to start using eye-only goggles, rather than the ones that cover their eyes and nose. The teacher is going to teach them that by humming in the water they can utilize rhythmic breathing and will not get so tired.
Andrew told me tonight that he really loves swimming, and is thinking about joining a team. I am surprised! After summer break, I thought Victoria would be the one to love it more. :)
♥ Live life with love.
7:44 PM
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7:44 PM
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